Self Love – Is it important?
How You Love Yourself is how you teach others to love you. – Rupi Kaur
What a powerful statement. Take a moment and look at how you love yourself. Would this be how you would want others to love you? For example: Are you someone who puts yourself last, who sacrifices your health and happiness for others, does not treat your mind and body the way you know you should and often has a negative harsh word to say to yourself? Is this be how you wish the world would treat you? Of course not! So why are you treating yourself in this way?
When I first came across this idea, I will admit it really shook me. I was quite shocked by how such a simple idea could rock my entire mindset. The way I was loving myself was not love at all. More in the flavours of: bullying, self-abuse and dislike. Not only was this my mindset towards myself, but I realised this was also how I saw my relationship with the world around me. To say I was mortified would be an understatement. I could not believe how disconnected I was to myself – and to the world around me. What I perceived as the world being out to get me – was just a reflection of my relationship with myself. It was truly an eye-opening moment. I knew straight away that this a turning point in my life – the wake-up call I desperately needed. From this moment on I made a promise to myself that I would start truly loving myself.
After making this promise, I was very determined on changing my relationship with myself and the world around me. However I then hit my first roadblock – I had NO idea how to do this! I was stumped. So I started researching – through friends, family, magazines, movies, the internet etc. Below is the list that I narrowed it down to. I have used these self-love tips for the last few years and have completely turned my life around. Not only is my relationship with myself now one of true self-love, but my relationship with the world around me is also based in love and care. If you have found that you need to do make a change in your relationship with yourself; then these tips will be a great way of helping to achieve this.
- Forgive yourself. – This is very important. If your relationship with yourself is unhealthy, then the worst thing you can do is beat yourself up about it. Let go of that anger and guilt. Forgive yourself for all the snide comments, the abuses and the un-supportive way you were looking after yourself. This is all in your past now. Acknowledge that this was your relationship with yourself, but that now you are changing how you show yourself love.
- Be honest with yourself. – Often when we are in a bad relationship with ourselves, we often numb our feelings with an abuse of some sort. This can be through over-eating, drinking, drugs, gambling, shopping and not engaging in life to name a few. We use these tactics as an escape to avoid dealing with a deeper issue. Now is the time to stop, breathe and see what these emotions reveal that are being squished down. Emotions such as sadness, pain, anxiety, embarrassment, hurt, loneliness, worry etc. It is time to let these feelings come up and out; to no longer suppress them but to acknowledge that they are there and let them go.
- Write in a journal. – This journal is for your eyes only! It is a safe space for you to be truly honest and open with yourself. In doing this you can record exactly how you are feeling, and let out what you are holding inside of you. I find the best time to do this is at night when I am bed, so I can get all the thoughts out of my head before I fall asleep. There are many times I have just viciously scribbled out my anger and frustration (once I even broke my pen!). Other times I have written page after page, and other times I have only written one page. All those crazy thoughts floating around your head… write them down! Do not judge yourself in what you are thinking, just let it out.
- Connect with the True You. – When we are in a negative relationship with ourselves, we lose sight of the true us. We are so focused on the negativity and what is wrong with ourselves – that we totally forget all about the beauty that is us! We need to connect to, what I like to call, our ‘inner soul-mate’. I have written all about this step in a previous article. Click here to check out how to do this.
- Don’t compare your journey to others. – This is a big one that can bring us back into a negative mindset about ourselves. This is about your relationship with yourself, not what you think/see as someone else’s relationship with themselves. Raise your hand if you know someone whose life looks perfect. *raises both hands* Most of the time what we are seeing of other people’s lives is not the full story. We usually see what they want us to see. We are more likely to show a shiny version of us, rather then what is really going on in our day to day lives. For instance you are more likely to show a picture of a delicious meal you are about to eat at a trendy café, versus an instant meal you have heated and are now eating in your pjs in front of the telly. Things like social media plays a big part in this. We take these little snapshots of moments we want to share with others, and then can edit them to be brighter and more beautiful than in reality. The thing to remember is that even when someones life looks amazing, they are still human. They will still be having daily frustrations (just like you), they still go to the toilet (just like you) and they still will have bad hair days… just like you! Give yourself permission to be imperfect.
- Nourish your Mind, Body, Heart and Soul. – If your relationship with yourself has been rocky, then there is a high chance that there has not been a lack of nourishment happening in your life. When you love yourself, you truly want to take care of yourself. When you are nourishing yourself from a positive mindset, then your daily nourishment becomes a joy. Some ideas on how to do this include:
- Exercising – Try some yoga, a dance class, walking etc.
- Affirmations – These are great to help train our mind into positive thinking.
- Cooking – Find time once a week to create a delicious healthy wholesome meal for yourself.
- Treat yourself – Buy yourself some flowers, or go to that play/movie you have always wanted to see.
- Connect to others – Get social with people who have your best interests at heart, and who help raise you up.
- Be Grateful. – Gratitude is a great tool to have in your tool box as it help to dispel fear and attract abundance. It helps you get out of your head and into your heart. It connects you to the love all around, helping you to become friends with the world around you. For some Gratitude inspiration check out this previous post – here.
- Seek professional help. – You are a beautiful powerful soul. You deserve to be happy and in a loving relationship with yourself. If you are struggling to make this a reality – seek professional assistance. There are so many lovely people out there who can help you become your own best friend again, so do not be afraid to reach out.
♥ ♥ ♥
Self love is a journey and one that you will travel along for the rest of your life. Take this path, step by step, and trust + believe in yourself. You are such a beautiful soul and it is your right to be in a positive relationship with yourself. Self-love is asking yourself everyday what you need, then making sure you receive it. Remember: It is not what you say to everyone else that determines your life; it is what you whisper to yourself that has the greatest power!
Gratitude is the language of our souls singing out to the rest of the Universe. – Unknown